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di Frengo78 » 07/01/03 09:29
di dado » 07/01/03 13:23
di ezechiel2517 » 07/01/03 16:27
di Frengo78 » 09/01/03 17:37
di dado » 09/01/03 19:25
Frengo78 ha scritto:Non mi ricordo dove l'ho trovato ma è troppo carino!
http://flashface.flashmaster.ru/
Colgo l'occasione per ringraziare la zia ale per l'avatar nuovo. Wonder Ale puoi andare in pensione. Ora c'è SuperFré!!!!
di dado » 09/01/03 19:48
Frengo78 ha scritto:Anche la zia ale è una bella sagoma però!
di dado » 15/01/03 19:24
di Frengo78 » 15/01/03 21:13
di ale » 15/01/03 22:51
di dado » 16/01/03 00:55
Frengo78 ha scritto:Se la fai verremo a portarti le arance al giovedi quando andremo a portarle anche a dado che dopo questa barza è stato arrestato dai vigili urbani di cuneo e portato in gattabuia
di LightAngel » 18/01/03 23:03
The CAT User's Manual
User Installation and Maintenance Documentation
CAT v. 7.0: Completely Autonomous Tester
Manufactured by MOMCAT
System Design Specifications:
User Friendly
Mouse Driven
Self Cleaning
Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video
Bi-directional Audio Input/Output
Primary and secondary output ports: high-speed serial port for streaming data and standard parallel port for data blocks.
Auto search Routines for Input Data
Autocracy for Output Bin
Instant Transition (<2 nanoseconds) Between Standby and Full Power Mode
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Production Details: After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of onside ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers, there may be variations between units. MOMCAT's quality assurance may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected units.
Beware of Far East clones. These may violate import restrictions.
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Transportation: A suitable transportation case should be used for transportation to the operating site. Failure to properly ship a CAT unit may result in loss or damage to the unit and serious injury to the user.
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Installation Procedures: Upon receiving the CAT unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are indicative of the MOMCAT production environment. The user may manually remove any bugs.
Bring the CAT to operation in an environment temperature at 20º C (± 3 º tolerance). Use a quiet room with the primary user(s) present. Open the transportation case and let the CAT unit auto exit. Initialize the self learning program catfind() by displaying the input bins. These should contain H2O (liquid state, room temperature, 99% purity) and dry energy pellets. Immediately afterwards, display the output bin.
If the user already has a CAT unit successfully installed, it may be possible to download BASIC routines to the new CAT. For the first day or two, the CAT will stay in self learning mode. When the learn buffer overflows, the CAT will auto switch to sleep() mode. This is normal. The MMU system will store the new information to permanent memory. After 72 hours, the CAT will be interacting with the operating environment.
The unit may be placed in direct sunlight. CAT units are operational in all axis: standing, sitting, or laying down. If all basic environment requirements are satisfied, the CAT system will produce a slight hum. This is normal.
A new CAT should not exit the primary site facility. Full portability comes after extensive burn in. Some users never let the CAT unit auto exit the site. The advantages are longer unit life and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate CAT units may lead to unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with untested CATs may lead to virus infection. If allowed to exit, some CAT units may try to port across a street. Fatal errors may happen. If you decide to let your CAT out, it should have a READ_ME.TXT file with a system address and URL which identifies the host site.
Your CAT should have a system name. The name may need to be reinitialized repeatedly until the system can read it correctly. This lets you issue voice commands to bring the unit to an online state. Many owners give their CATs a secret password as well. You can also get the CAT's attention by booting the system. While this is effective, it is discouraged. Too much booting will abuse the system. Such units will sit across the room with its back to you.
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Applications: At present, there are few productivity applications for CAT.
MOUSE is a killer app. This is pre-installed.
Many owners use their system for game playing. CATs play best when they are young. Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced response and flexibility. Some CAT games are:
CACHE
The CAT will CACHE a data string. Similar to the K9 unit game, but the object must be smaller.
JUMP
Move the data string through the air. The CAT unit will reach new heights of operation.
MIRROR
Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse itself. Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by calling its name.
CHASE
Played between two CAT units or a CAT and a K9 unit. Units take turns as one is the data and the other attempts to parse it.
SING
Offer fishy data code to elicit a range of audio output.
BUGHUNT
Some CAT units are very efficient bug hunters.
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Maintenance: CATs will self-recharge. This takes 20 hours in a 24 hour cycle.
CATs are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not clean the unit with alcohol or benzine-based solvents. This may lead to a violent explosion.
A CAT unit should be taken once a year to a VET (Very Expensive Technician) for a system checkup.
Do not attempt to open a CAT. There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits strange smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately by a VET.
You may examine the rear of the CAT unit to determine if it has a male or female scuzzy port. CATs with a male port may emit a non-toxic aerosol. The VET can remove this component. CATs with female ports are plagued by periodic heating problems. The VET can fix this permanently by removing an internal part. Such systems run unix.
In senior CAT units, male scuzzy ports can become blocked, leading to extensive VET visits and serious performance limitations.
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Warning Notices: CAT systems are user-friendly. However, in certain documented situations, a CAT may pose a danger to the user. Repeated jamming or obstruction of I/O ports may lead to deployment of auto-defense systems. Never attempt a first strike on a CAT system. Its CPU clock rate made to milspecs and thus classified, but JANE'S FIGHTING FELINES notes that a unit was seen by ham radio operators to be apparently moving at 500 mHz. Twin D-shaped five-pin spike connectors have an average seek rate of 3 nanoseconds. The manufacturer is not responsible for injuries to the user. These spike connectors require monthly maintenance to avoid damage to site furniture.
Do not poke anything into the CAT's I/O ports. CAT may BYTE.
In dry, cold weather, a surface electrostatic charge may build up. To avoid electric shock, stand on an insulated surface.
Do not operate the CAT above water. This may lead to end-user damage.
Carry a CAT firmly. Do not swing it by its "tail".
The self-programming feature of the CAT unit may introduce functions that are not user-friendly. For example, the CAT will quickly associate display of the transportation case with a trip to the VET or the offsite storage facility. In such instances, the CAT will self-initiate the ESCAPE mode. This requires the user to employ SEEK and CAPTURE programs to reestablish control of the CAT in order to place it in the transportion case.
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Service Life: As CATs become older, the learn program will recognize every situation. The CAT may become too smart for its own good.
CATs like to have their own toys. They often have hobbies, such as bird watching or studying tropical fish.
If you properly care for your CAT, it will give you years of loyal service. Many users get a second unit. Most users don't need the extra capacity, but they enjoy the ability to run complex simulation games.
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If the user will be absent from the host site for an extended period, provision for CAT maintainence must be provided. Options are:
Offsite storage. This may cause errors in user-associated CAT programs. Some reprogramming may be required.
Onsite maintainence by contractors. Contractors must have full access to the host site. They should provide full I/O service to the CAT and not boot the system.
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User Groups: CAT users can find other users and the faq on the Usenet newsgroup rec.pets.cats.
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Lifetime Warranty: The CAT unit is guaranteed against catastrophic failure. Nine coupons are included.
If the unit operates in networks that experience heavy traffic, some units may use all nine coupons in one confrontation. This can lead to system failure.
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Documented Problems: The Ctrl key on most CAT units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.
Do not install a BIRD unit at a site which has an operational CAT unit. These systems are not compatible. The BIRD unit may be erased permanently.
The self-cleaning feature that comes standard with CAT units has a capacity limitation. The unit's recycle bin eventually fills and then empties without warning.
CAT units have an internal clock. These normally initialize automatic programs (CLEAN, etc.) These cannot be reset by the user. The internal alarm clock often goes off 30 minutes before the user's alarm clock.
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System Features:
Models = Main frame, desktop and laptop models (smallest footprint in the industry). Available in 15 inch, 17 inch, and 19 inch sizes.
Interface = Touch sensitive interface for maximum user friendliness.
Memory = Not much. Upgrades available real soon now.
Expected Lifetime = 15 years with ± 72 months (although 20 years are common).
Weight = 3-6 kilograms without optional cables.
Speed = 3 nanoseconds search/find with self-uprighting supertwist technology.
Color Graphics = Either paper white, monochrome (black/white), 64 grey shades, or maximum of 16 million colors with 40 terrabits of high resolution floating point pixels.
Sound Chip = 16 octaves, digital MIDI output (MI/OU).
Power Consumpution = 250 grams protein daily (2 micrograms per second.)
Operating Range = -30º to +45º C (-22º to 105º)
Vibration = 5-500 Hz, one octave/min, dwell at all resonance points.
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Contacting CAT Technical Support
Our highly trained technicians are ready to help you. As soon as they wake up from their nap.
Submit your CAT bug report. Requests for enhancement (rfe), etc. Remember: it's not a bug, it's a flea. Don't bother sending in your complaints: just like your CAT unit, our technicians won't pay attention either.
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As a public service, these web sites may be of interest to CAT users.
To link to this page, use http://www.andreas.com/catman.html
Stop Kitty Porn! Help stem the flood of kitty porn on the net. Make the net safe for kitties!
Yahoo's CAT Listings
Send Cat e-Postcards
The Cat Site at the Mining Company.
Cat Scans. Proof that literally anything goes on the web.
The Dog User Manual. For K-9.0 units.
di LightAngel » 18/01/03 23:06
The DOG User's Manual
User
Installation
and
Maintenance
Documentation
DOG 7.0: Digital Online Groupware
Manufactured by MOMDOG (Makers of Many DOGs)
System Specifications:
User Friendly
Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video
Bi-directional Audio Input/Output port
Primary and secondary output ports: high-speed serial port for streaming data and standard parallel port for data blocks.
Autosearch Routines for Input Data
Autosearch for Output
WALK, RUN, and FETCH features.
Instant Transition (<2 nanoseconds) Between Standby and Full Power Mode
Production Details
After initial PUP assembly, the unit undergoes six weeks of onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are installed during this period.
Since MOMDOG uses local suppliers, there may be variations between units. MOMDOG's quality assurance may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected units.
Beware of Far East clones. These may violate import restrictions.
Transportation
A suitable transportation case should be used for transportation to the operating site. Failure to properly ship a DOG unit may result in loss or damage to the unit and serious injury to the user.
Installation Procedures
Upon receiving the DOG unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are indicative of the MOMDOG production environment. The user may manually remove any bugs.
Bring the DOG to operation in an environment temperature at 20º C (± 3 º tolerance.) Use a quiet room with the primary user(s) present. Open the transportation case and let the DOG unit autoexit. A gentle pull may be necessary.
Initialize the self-learning program find() by displaying the input bins. These should contain H2O (liquid state, room temperature, 99% purity) and dry energy pellets. Immediately afterwards, spread newspapers.
If the user already has a DOG unit successfully installed, it may be possible to download BASIC routines from the old unit to the new unit. For the first day or two, DOG will stay in self-learning mode. When the learn buffer overflows, the DOG will autorun the sleep() routine. This is normal. The ROAM chips will write the new information to permanent memory. After 72 hours, the DOG will be interacting with the operating environment.
If all basic environment requirements are satisfied, the DOG system will autodisplay WAG. This is normal. If environment requirements are not satisfied, the system may emit a low-level whine.
DOG units are operational in all 3-D axis: standing, sitting, or laying down.
The unit may be placed in direct sunlight.
A new DOG should not solo exit the primary site facility. Full portability comes after extensive burn in. Some users never let the DOG unit solo exit the site. The advantages are cleaner operation, longer unit life, and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate DOG units may lead to unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with untested DOGs may lead to bug infection. If allowed to exit, some DOG units may try to port across heavy data traffic. Nonrecoverable fatal errors may occur. However, in many instances, K9 units can autosearch independently. NASA used a modified K9 unit as its Mars ROVER.
If you decide to let your DOG out, it should have a READ_ME.TXT file with a system address and URL which identifies the host site and system administrator.
Your DOG should have a system name. The name may need to be initialized repeatedly until the system can read it correctly. This lets you issue voice commands to bring the unit to an online state. Many owners give their DOGs a secret password as well. Advanced system operators have successfully installed dozens of voice commands.
You can also get the DOG's attention by booting the system. While this is effective, it is discouraged. Too much booting will abuse the system.
Applications
In contrast to CAT units, there are many productivity applications for DOGs. Units are installed in home, home office, industrial, and farm settings. DOGs have been sent into space.
GUARD: GUARD is a killer app. This is pre-installed. The DOG unit will auto-deploy BARK and BYTE routines. If three or more K9 units are activated, an unwanted, endless BARK feedback loop may occur.
SEARCH: K9 units can search/find random data to find hits.
SORT: The K9 can use SORT and GUARD to regulate SHEEP units.
RUN: DOG units perform optimally in RUN mode. Subroutines include WALK, HEEL, and FETCH.
Many owners use their system for game playing. DOGs play best when they are young. Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced response and flexibility. Some DOG games are:
CACHE: The DOG will CACHE a data object.
JUMP: Move the data object through the air. The DOG unit will reach new heights of operation. This can be terminated with the voice command DOWN.
MIRROR: Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse itself. Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by calling its name.
CHASE: Played between two DOG units or with a CAT unit. Units take turns as one is the data object and the other attempts to CACHE it.
SING: Offer audio data to elicit a range of audio output.
Maintenance
DOGs will self-recharge. This takes 12 hours in a 24 hour cycle.
DOGs require little user maintenance. Do not clean the unit with alcohol or benzine-based solvents. This may lead to a violent explosion.
Your DOG unit should be taken once a year to a VET (Very Expensive Technician) for a system checkup.
Do not attempt to open a DOG. There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits strange smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately by a VET.
You may examine the rear of the DOG unit to determine if it has a male or female scuzzy port. DOGs with a male port may result in unwanted copies. VET can remove this optional item. DOGs with female ports are plagued by periodic heating problems. VET can fix this permanently by removing an internal part. Such systems run UNIX.
Warning Notices
DOG systems are user-friendly. However, in certain documented situations, a DOG may pose a danger to the user. Repeated jamming or obstruction of I/O ports may lead to deployment of auto-defense systems. Do not pull its "tail." DOG may BYTE.
Never attempt a first strike on a DOG system. JANE'S FIGHTING K9s reports that a unit was detected by ham radio operators to be apparently moving at 500 mHz. You can't outrun it. The VISEGRIP ™ byte device has an average seek rate (ASR) of 30 milliseconds. The manufacturer is not responsible for injuries to the user (Note from our attorneys: The Supreme Court issued a ruling in End-User vs DOG that can be summed up under the legal principle "Every DOG is allowed one BYTE.")
In dry, cold weather, a surface electrostatic charge may build up. To avoid electric shock, stand on an insulated surface.
Do not operate the DOG above water. This may lead to end-user damage.
Service Life
As DOGs become older, the learn program will recognize all situations. You can't program an old DOG new applications.
DOGs like to have their own toys. They often have hobbies, such as CAT watching or digging holes.
If you properly care for your DOG, it will give you years of loyal service.
Many users get a second unit. Most users don't need the extra capacity, but multiple units enable the ability to run complex games.
User Groups
DOG users can find other users and the DOG faq on the Usenet newsgroup rec.pets.dogs. DOG users should avoid religious wars with CAT users (subject headers may include CATHOLICs vs DOGMAs.)
Documented Problems
The Ctrl key on some DOG units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.
Do not install a new CAT unit at a site which has an operational DOG unit. These systems are not compatible. The CAT unit may be erased permanently.
System Features
Models = Main frame, desktop and laptop models (smallest footprint in the industry). Available in 11 inch, 17 inch, and 64 inch sizes.
Interface = Touch sensitive interface for maximum user friendliness.
Memory = Not much. Upgrades available real soon now.
Expected Lifetime = 15 years ± 24 months.
Weight = 3-70 kilograms without optional cables.
Speed = 30 milliseconds search/find
Color Graphics = Paper white, monochrome (black/white), 64 gray shades, or 16 million colors.
Sound Chip = 2 octaves, digital MIDI output through internal woofer speakers.
Power Consumption = 900 grams protein daily (2 micrograms per second.)
Operating Range = -30º to +45º C (-22º to 105º)
GROWLER Vibration = 5-500 Hz, one octave/min, dwell at all resonance points.
Contacting DOG Technical Support
Our highly trained technicians are ready to help you as soon as they come back from their walk.
Submit your DOG bug report, requests for enhancement (rfe), etc. Remember: it's not a bug, it's a flea. Don't bother sending in your complaints: just like your DOG unit, our technicians won't pay attention either.
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As a public service, these web sites may be of interest to DOG users.
To link to this page, use http://www.andreas.com/dogmanual.html.
It's a doggy-dog world at Yahoo.
The Dog Center at the Mining Company.
The CAT User Manual. The original manual.
di Michele76 » 19/01/03 14:36
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